1. |
Expensive Tears
04:48
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rows of corn
all the same ole color
as the highway makes me bored
big machines
flying through the tractor trailers
spilling red and green
burns my eyes
smoke behind the conversation
clouding all the lies
i tell myself
gotta make it off the interstate
before the heatwave melts
expensive tears
burn like gasoline
into the river of my fears
and i sigh
no one seems to understand
just what they’ve lost and why
moving fast
where you wouldn’t want to stick around
enough to make this last
all the same
what once was wide and varied
now a single minded brain
come back to the other side of the
wild westward bright delight that i
can’t quite figure out just how you
forget what you once know how to see, but
somebody pull the rope on the
clown curtain life’s a joke that goes
falling backwards laughing at those
that take it all too seriously
cause this shit it don’t seem that funny to me
so salt the fries
the journey of a hamburger
is over once inside
the body learns
cut off your foot to spite the past
there’s no where to return
once you’re wide
to walk the straight and narrow
is a bullshit way to hide
from yourself
gotta make it to the pharmacy
or the pills fall off the shelf
expensive tears
dried and crusted mustn’t love
too much or they might hear
i dream alone
no one seems to want to trust
in an imaginary home
the walls are real
you and me we say we’re free
but we can’t say how we feel
looking down
what once just a hologram
is now the whole damn town
and i can’t tell what i’m thinking
if I’m on the brink of a break or a
breakthrough I’m
too fake to be made of matter
but in too deep to stop climbing the ladder, please
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2. |
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I just want to be resolute
against the nighttime broken sky
hold my head up calm and true
rest my heart and just live my life
but oh how the pieces fall like rain
i just wish I could reconcile
inner peace with a starving child
to let her cry despite the blame
to let her lash out all her pain
innocent eyes blind to regret
locking the gate as i twist in the net
l live to forgive what I am dying to forget
i just can't seem to recognize
the different parts of our different lives
if all is one then what are you
if you're the sun then I want to be too
oh how the pieces lost remain
waiting for you to take over my mind
takes all of my time
i refuse to choose from what i am
what I'm willing to lose
and so guilty my hand
drags you back down to blue
haunting my plans the frightened ghost of a muse
to live to be loved leaves you feeling alone and abused
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3. |
A Step Aside Yourself
07:34
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oh take a step aside
yourself standing side by side
watch yourself walk on by
tell yourself you’re the guy
claim the history you reside
believe the game you seek to hide
mold the face of your desire
to just a shadow in the choir
seems like you can’t see yourself
blame others for their tears
your reflection lies to you
afraid to face to your fears
breathe in the bright silence
blindness is king
crowning and compliant
will but not wings
swinging at phantoms
burst like a dream
reign on your sofa
piss like a stream
seems like you can’t face yourself
the void beneath your eyes
your complexion turning pale
from all you still deny
yourself
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4. |
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In the sky in the sky
where your dreams never die
i fight to remember your face
in a world of fear, hatred, and death
in the sky i fade into its grace
little child on the bank of a wide, angry stream
the boats are always in view
your path is to cross and to find your own place
little child if you're lost it's not you
in the sky in the sky
where the airplanes don't fly
i saw you smile at a star
the world shrank below, there was nowhere to go
just you, the clouds and your heart
in the sky in the sky
where your dreams never die
you've gone there forever i know
so i imagine you there with the moon in your hair
where the world was a lifetime ago
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Ben Sturdevant Chicago, Illinois
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